I'm OK
by Jacque Nicole
Summary: Something that happened in her childhood has tramatized Usagi. Will she be able to get over it? If not, will she at least be able to cope with her current drama? And where does Mamoru fit into this? Songfic/Teaser(?)


**Hey there! This is my first "published" fic, so please go easy on the criticism.**

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_**I'm OK**_

**Chapter 1**

**By Jerzeegurl**

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The room was dark and oozing the feeling of dread. Her mother was sitting next to her, cowering in fear, just as she was. In fear of the one thing they'd ever been truly afraid of. In fear of her father. He'd been out all night, doing God knows what, and he came home drunk. Drunk and violent. Just like always. He stumbled across the room, yelling slurred phrases. His hand was raised, poised to strike . . . Tsukino Usagi woke up from the short nap she was taking with a start. 'Oh no!' she thought as she frantically searched for a clock that, she figured, was buried under one of her college textbooks. She noticed some drool on her open math book. 'Damn math book! It wasn't interesting in high school and I should've known it wouldn't have been any different in college.' She found her clock and noticed that it was only six in the afternoon. She sighed in relief. 'Thank Kami.' Tonight was the night that she was taking her family out to dinner. It was one month after she was finally able to move out. I say 'finally able' instead of 'ready' because she was 'ready' to move out when she was a very young girl, eight years old to be exact. She even ran away from home a few times to see what it was like. She didn't care that she had no food or no shelter. She was just glad to have peace in her life.

A few months ago was her eighteenth birthday. On that very day, right after the clock struck 12:37 p.m., her time of birth, Usa went job searching. Why was she in a rush to become an adult? In truth, she was an adult way before she was legally declared one. It was her father who forced her to carry such an emotional burden. No, not the way you may think. He never once said 'Usagi, get out of my house' or 'Usagi, get a job.' Hell, he never even said 'Usagi, I love you.' No, her father forced her to mature in a different way.

_Once upon a time, there was a girl  
In her early years, she had to learn  
How to grow up living in a war that she called home  
Never knew just where to turn for shelter from the storm _

Her house was a war zone, yet, it was more of a one-sided fight. Her mother tried her hardest to hide the abuse, but Usagi knew better. As a young child she knew that three nights a week, her mother couldn't have gotten black eyes from 'a can that fell on her face while she was reaching for it in the grocery store.' Usagi knew those were lies but she was too young to put two and two together In her childish mind, two plus two made twenty-two, no matter what anyone else said. Eventually, as she got more observant, she made four.

_It hurt me to see the pain cross my mother's face  
Every time my father's fist would put her in her place  
Hearing all the yelling, I would cry up in my room  
Hoping it would be all over soon_

The first time she actually saw the abuse, she was five years old. She didn't understand. 'Daddy loves Mommy,' she had thought, 'so why does Daddy hit Mommy?' Her father did love her mother but it seemed that he loved his bottle of rum, vodka, wine, beer, or any other alcoholic beverage that was handy, more.

"Ok Usagi, stop it," she told herself. "That was all in the past; you don't live there anymore. It isn't your problem." 'Yeah right,' she thought after that statement. 'It's always going to be your problem.'

_Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same _

And I still remember how you kept me so afraid

Strength is my mother for all the love she gave

And every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday

And I'm O.K.

She found her keys hanging on the door and took them. She rushed out of her building and into her yellow convertible. She opened her door and sat in the driver's seat. In the glove compartment she found her vanilla perfume. She sprayed it in the air and let the mist settle on her body. She smiled. Making herself feel pretty always made her feel better.

She drove out of her spot. That's when she began to feel it, that same feeling she felt for years on end.

_I often wonder why I carry all this guilt  
When it's you that helped me put up all these walls I've built_

'Why do I feel so down? What's wrong with me? I haven't felt this much of . . . I don't know . . . guilt since back when he . . . he started hitting me too.'

_Shadows stir at night through a crack in the door  
Echoes of a broken child screaming please no more  
Daddy don't you understand the damage you have done?  
For you it's just a memory but for me it still lives on_

At that very moment, Usagi heard the Mexican Hat Dance. She immediately recognized it as her ring tone. She pulled over to the side of the road and answered her cell. "Moshi Moshi?"

"Usa-chan?"

"Hai."

"Oh Usa, where are you?"

"Shingo-kun? Wassamatter Shingo?"

"It's Dad. He's at it again. He came home about a half hour ago and mom sent us upstairs. Nearly five minutes later, we heard some yelling. Ten minutes after that, Dad went on a rampage." A loud crash and soft whimpers were heard in the background.

"Shingo, who's crying?"

"That's Chibi Usa-chan. Usagi-chan, she's too young to take all of this."

"Let me speak to her," Usagi requested. The next voice she heard belonged to a scared child. The sound was all too familiar.

"Mama?" Chibi Usa had taken to calling Usagi 'mama' when she first moved to the Tsukino's household. She wasn't really Ikuko and Kenji's daughter but their niece. At the age of three months, Chibi Usa was taken out of her mother's custody because, in the government's eyes, she was an unfit mother. Her father was no where to be found. It was Usagi who convinced her parents to take Chibi Usa in, but the responsibility of taking care of the child was left on Usagi's shoulders. In a sense, Usagi was a mother at age fourteen.

"Yes it's me sweetie. Dry your tears, don't cry."

"Mama, please h-hurry here. I-I can't take the yelling, sniffle the hitting, cough the glass breaking. Please?"

"I'm on my way there. Just hold on Chibi. Whatever you do, stay in Shingo's room. Do NOT go downstairs, okay?"

"Sniffle Yes, I know."

"Good. Bye-bye Chibi," she responded as she hung up the phone. She suddenly realized why she felt so guilty. She picked up the phone again and dialed a different number.

_Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same  
And I still remember how you kept me so, so afraid  
Strength is my mother for all the love she gave  
Every morning that I pray I look back to yesterday_

"Moshi Moshi," a tenor voice said.

"Mamoru!" exclaimed Usagi as she recognized the voice. "Hey Usa. What's up?" He asked playfully.

"I need some advice," she said over the line.

"And I have some to give!" he replied, once again, in his playful tone.

"Mamoru-kun, I-I think I'm going to have Shingo and Chibi Usa stay with me." Before he could argue, she continued, "It's my dad. He still hasn't gotten over his drinking problems and it's scaring the kids. Mamoru, I know how it feels."

"But Usa . . . do you make enough money to take care of them? What about your apartment? Honestly Usagi, it's more like a studio."

"I know but if I don't do something, they'll end up as someone's foster children. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if that happened."

Mamoru sighed. "All right, but don't go inside the house until Motoki and I are there. You'll need somebody to hold Kenji back."

"Okay, Mamo-ch-ru. Thank you," she said as she blushed. She had almost called Mamoru her secret nickname for him, Mamo-chan.

"Anything for you, Usako. Ja!"

"Bye –––– wait! What did you call me?" Click. She sighed. 'Oh well,' she thought. 'I'll find out what he meant later.' She put her car in drive and drove off. Soon she found herself getting depressed all over again. 'Why does he do it? Does he want to be arrested?'

Soon she was parked in front of what she knew as the House of Hell. If you were just a passerby, you never would've thought such a thing. The house looked like a larger version of a doll house with its blue faççade, white picket fence, and cherry blossom tree with a tire swing in the front yard. She walked up to the first step. She wanted to wait for Mamoru and Motoki, she really did, but something was compelling her to go inside.

_It's not so easy to forget all the marks you left along her neck  
When I was thrown against cold stairs  
And everyday afraid to come home in fear of what I might see next_

When she entered the family room, no one was in there. 'Ha! In this house, having a family room seems like a complete paradox,' she thought as she began to walk up the stairs. The whole house smelled like alcohol; it was intoxicating. When she was halfway up the stairs she felt a hand on her shoulder, causing her to whip around in surprise.

"Motoki-kun, don't ever do that again! Where's Mamoru-kun?"

"Chill out. He's parking the car." Just as he said that, a handsome man with ebony colored hair entered the house.

"This house looks like a hurricane hit it." He was right. The entire first floor looked like the result of Hurricane Floyd's wrath. Usagi shook her head. 'To many memories,' she thought.

"Motoki-kun," she said. "The first aid kit is in the bathroom. Find my mother, she should be in the broom closet. That's where she always used to go after a fight when I was a kid," she added off handedly. Mamoru unconsciously put his arm on her shoulders to comfort her. She really didn't notice because he did it so often. "Mamoru, could you help me comfort the kids?" she asked looking up at him.

"Sure," he said. After removing his arm from her shoulders, Mamoru followed her upstairs while Motoki headed downstairs to search for Ikuko. Usagi walked up to a door and softly knocked.

"Shingo-kun? Chibi Usa-chan?"

"Usa-chan?"

"Yes. It's me Shingo-kun, now open the door," Usagi commanded gently. They heard a soft 'click' indicating that he had unlocked the door. He opened it and was very relieved that it really was his sister on the other side.

"Mama!" exclaimed the cotton candy haired child who was previously sobbing on Shingo's race car shaped bed. Usagi walked over to the girl and began whispering comforting words in her ear, hoping to sooth the four year old. Mamoru was doing the same with Shingo. Once again, the Mexican Hat Dance rang across the room. Usagi picked up her purse and got her Verison Wireless out.

"Moshi Moshi?"

"Did anyone ever tell you how sexy you sound when you answer the phone?" It was Chen Milek, Usagi's boyfriend.

"You just did Mi-kun," Serena answered lazily. Mamoru cringed at the name. Milek was bad news, bad news indeed. He played girls like they were fiddles. The word on campus was that knocked up every girl he was ever with and Usagi was next on his list. Mamoru inwardly laughed at that. Rumors about Usagi being a slut was all over campus too. No one could ever be so wrong. Sure, she had more boyfriends than the female population of a small city but that was back in highschool, and even then, not once had slept with anyone. Mamoru would know. He is her best friend, after all.

"Was that a smart remark I sensed?" Milek asked with a hint of anger in his voice.

"N-No, of course not!" Usagi answered quickly. Mamoru noticed her stuttering and scowled. Milek thought that every woman on the planet was made to serve him. He was very self centered and demanding. He was a strong believer of women being inferior. Even though Usagi knew of his reputation, she still continued to date him.

"That's what I thought," he said triumphantly. "Don't be late for our date tomorrow. You don't want to make me mad, do you?"

"No, of course not," she said again.

"Music to my ears! See you tomorrow, onna." Click. Serena sighed. She let him take control again. She tried to forget about her boy trouble and focused on the problem at hand. "What happened Chibi Usa?" she asked the child who was sitting next to her. At the simple question the child's eyes weld up with tears.

"Kenji came home and he was mad. He and Ikuko had a big fight. Then he left right after we called you."

"So he's gone?"

"Uh-huh," Shingo replied.

"Was he drunk?" Mamoru asked. Shingo's eyes widened as he nodded his head. At that very moment, a loud 'dammit' was heard from downstairs. The group went to find out what was going on. When they got downstairs and into the kitchen, they found Motoki performing CPR on Ikuko.

"Someone call 911!" he ordered when he saw them. Usagi abruptly yanked the phone off of it's charger.

Minutes later, the EMTs arrived. In the ambulance, Ikuko was pronounced dead.

_Bruises fade father but the pain remains the same  
And I still remember how you kept me so afraid  
Strength is my mother for all the love you gave  
And every morning that I wake, I look back at yesterday  
And I'm O.K._

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The song "I'm OK" belongs to RCA records. It was written by Christina Aguilera and Linda Perry and recorded on Christina Aguilera's CD, _Stripped,_ by Christina Aguilera.

Check my bio to see if I will be updating this fic anytime soon.

JG


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